Saturday, 20 May 2017

STORY #4 THE SAME SPOT (ALMOST ALL THE TIME)

 So today is my another day as a jobless fresh graduate. I kinda bored and not so comfortable with the title I hold for almost 4 months since I graduated from my college. Everyone needs a job (at least) to feel lively. However, being jobless means you have more time for yourself. More time to think or to do unfinished dream that you hold long ago. My unfinished dream is to watch movies over and over again. Too bad that my hard disk was broken and I'm having problem in wasting my time with the movies LOL! 

 Talking about dream, my real dream is to have a garden house. Every morning, I'll have a mug of hot coffee or maybe hot chocolate with chocolate chip cookies. It is not so worrying if I don't have a husband because I love living by my own. I have friends. My very best friends know my situation. At noon, I'll have my buttery scrambled eggs and toast breads. At night, I prefer juices. Strawberry or blueberry. I will have lots of books to read. Once I finished, I'll donate them to the library. 

 We always have that fairy tale story that we hope to change it into reality. Mine? not yet. Will be, one day. A life without sadness. Freedom in happiness. Teaching successfully. Giving new hope to other people. I wish that my life could be happier and livelier. Insha Allah. One day.


Love,
A Proud Loner.

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Story #3 A PROUD LONER

Hi people, I am going to share the story of my blog’s title. It started last year (2016), I always chilling up myself at the coffee house (sounds so hipster) to reflect anything that I have done on that particular day (usually when I feel depressed with the crowds). I went there alone since I really wanted to spend time for myself without any distraction (which means without people that I have known for my entire life).
Once, my friend asked me if I feel sad for those who could not understand my story. For your information, I came from a broken family and when I was in one of the International Colleges, I always depressed and it was the worst depression that I’ve faced in my entire life (seriously, I don’t blame anyone. It was my fault. I could not make myself happy).
Honestly, during my depression time, I never think about what the other people think about me. Since I was in secondary school, I practiced myself not to bother about what anyone else was talking about me unless it hurts me a lot. I am a very direct person. Half of me feel so good being a direct person but the other half think that it was quite annoying because most of the people will misunderstand my action. Since I am a very direct, I tend to show my expression towards people, things, food and what so ever.
I have a very bad habit (actually I think it is good) not to hide anything from anyone. If I hate or feel uncomfortable and stress towards someone, my face will do the talking. Besides my face, my mouth will definitely say it aloud. It is so uneasy for me to keep something that dissatisfied me in my heart (most of you will advise me to be patience). Believe me, I tried (almost all the time) to be polite (if you think that I am not) by saying about my dissatisfaction nicely and gracefully but it did not work at all. When I keep it too long, I feel so stress and tend to show it by making faces. Sometimes, I will purposely talk shortly and harshly, hope that person will realize that I am not comfortable with the situation, attitude, food, services etc.  
Sometimes, when I think too much, I tend to make serious facial expression. I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable but yeah, my fault, I could not stop thinking about that matter until it was done.
It started in 2015 when I had serious problems in my family, health (I was half paralyzed) and study. I was unable to fight for my right when I needed to. I was too weak and that time, I could really know my real friends (those who helped me a lot, I thank you and I will never forget what you have done to make me smile and happy again). I failed one of my assignments and Allah had given me His blessing through my final exam. I passed. After the worst part in my life, I learnt to be independent, not to depend on other people because it is sad when rejected especially by those who I have trusted could repay my kindness by being nice to me. Lesson number one, never hope that people could repay you. Be sincere. Lesson number two; always appreciate people who are very kind to you. Lesson number three, never judge a person through their appearance (this is very important).

After my failure in family (I think it is enough for you to know my status), friendship and relationship, I started to avoid myself from many people. It is not easy for me to give my trust to the other people. Then, I started strolling alone at the shopping mall and always have a cup of coffee in between. Sometimes, I will have a cake/cupcake or a doughnut.  If I am very hungry, I will have a Subway (always be my favourite fast food). It becomes a routine for me to do my work, alone at the coffee house. Then, I realized that, happiness is a choice. You are the one who build your happiness in this worldly life. Other people are the tools to make your life become happier. My friends live your life to the fullest and never attached with people, things, places etc. My last advice will be...

Do not be afraid of loneliness.

Sincerely,

A Proud Loner.