Story #3 A PROUD LONER
Hi people, I am going to share the
story of my blog’s title. It started last year (2016), I always chilling up
myself at the coffee house (sounds so hipster) to reflect anything that I have
done on that particular day (usually when I feel depressed with the crowds). I
went there alone since I really wanted to spend time for myself without any
distraction (which means without people that I have known for my entire life).
Once, my friend asked me if I feel
sad for those who could not understand my story. For your information, I came
from a broken family and when I was in one of the International Colleges, I
always depressed and it was the worst depression that I’ve faced in my entire
life (seriously, I don’t blame anyone. It was my fault. I could not make myself
happy).
Honestly, during my depression time,
I never think about what the other people think about me. Since I was in
secondary school, I practiced myself not to bother about what anyone else was talking
about me unless it hurts me a lot. I am a very direct person. Half of me feel
so good being a direct person but the other half think that it was quite annoying
because most of the people will misunderstand my action. Since I am a very
direct, I tend to show my expression towards people, things, food and what so
ever.
I have a very bad habit (actually I
think it is good) not to hide anything from anyone. If I hate or feel
uncomfortable and stress towards someone, my face will do the talking. Besides my
face, my mouth will definitely say it aloud. It is so uneasy for me to keep something
that dissatisfied me in my heart (most of you will advise me to be patience). Believe
me, I tried (almost all the time) to be polite (if you think that I am not) by
saying about my dissatisfaction nicely and gracefully but it did not work at
all. When I keep it too long, I feel so stress and tend to show it by making
faces. Sometimes, I will purposely talk shortly and harshly, hope that person will
realize that I am not comfortable with the situation, attitude, food, services etc.
Sometimes, when I think too much, I
tend to make serious facial expression. I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable
but yeah, my fault, I could not stop thinking about that matter until it was
done.
It started in 2015 when I had
serious problems in my family, health (I was half paralyzed) and study. I was
unable to fight for my right when I needed to. I was too weak and that time, I
could really know my real friends (those who helped me a lot, I thank you and I
will never forget what you have done to make me smile and happy again). I
failed one of my assignments and Allah had given me His blessing through my
final exam. I passed. After the worst part in my life, I learnt to be
independent, not to depend on other people because it is sad when rejected
especially by those who I have trusted could repay my kindness by being nice to
me. Lesson number one, never hope that people could repay you. Be sincere.
Lesson number two; always appreciate people who are very kind to you. Lesson number
three, never judge a person through their appearance (this is very important).
After my failure in family (I think
it is enough for you to know my status), friendship and relationship, I started
to avoid myself from many people. It is not easy for me to give my trust to the
other people. Then, I started strolling alone at the shopping mall and always
have a cup of coffee in between. Sometimes, I will have a cake/cupcake or a doughnut.
If I am very hungry, I will have a
Subway (always be my favourite fast food). It becomes a routine for me to do my
work, alone at the coffee house. Then, I realized that, happiness is a choice. You
are the one who build your happiness in this worldly life. Other people are the
tools to make your life become happier. My friends live your life to the
fullest and never attached with people, things, places etc. My last advice will
be...
Do not be afraid of loneliness.
Sincerely,
A Proud Loner.
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